Pretty funny. I am sure it will get some "no spam" reacts from our leftist members.
If Woke Leftists Wrote the Preamble Today
"We/They/Them, humans, trans-humans and fluid non-identifiers of this Confederation of trespassing Colonizers, endeavoring to live out our truth, having stolen these lands of Indigenous people to whom we really owe an apology and reparations, but shall leave that national karma to citizens of the 21st Century to deal with,
“In order to pave the way for a responsibly sourced, fair-trade-based community, do hereby establish social justice, ensure domestic partnerships, diversity, inclusion and enforced equity,
“Provide for the common defense [insert “guaranteed monthly income”] because defense implies structural aggression, which we do not condone, and since people are fundamentally good, we expect the government to sustain, mollycoddle and provide at no cost, pretty much everything,
“Promote welfare (we very much support more welfare)
“Defund the police and all common defense forces because the mere presence of law enforcement makes us feel threatened and unsafe,
“And secure [well, not “secure” because that implies someone else is insecure, exploited or oppressed, a problem that we believe universal government intervention will solve in time, but let’s not go there now],
“The blessings [Wait, scratch "blessings”] because that implies a ‘Blesser’ whom we know to be the product of homophobic, cis-gender haters of European descent, a being they call ‘God,’ but they no longer speak for everyone!
“I mean, like, not everyone is a Christian. There are Wiccans, Satanists, and – Well, you can’t just assume that gods exists or that it or He/She or whatever blesses people in some way. Do you think you are better than other people, so you’re all blessed? There are no blessings. There’s just stuff. There’s a bunch of stuff, and a bunch of stuff just happened.
“Therefore, as we promote a non-white, gender-free reality, based on sustainable and universally proud and inclusive practices, we/ourselves/themselves/theyselves/itselves and our posterity [Can we strike “posterity?” I don’t really know what that means, but it sounds like something a dead white guy would say.]
“Since overpopulation has harmed the environment, and because a birthing person has a right to terminate her/his/their pregnancy at any time up to and including after delivery, I think we can all breathe easier knowing that the burden of children is one form of human enslavement that birthing persons are legally protected from.
“Plus, marriage -- as straights defined it -- was basically a form of state-sanctioned indentured servitude, so I take issue with the assumption that there should be any so-called ‘posterity.’ Thanks to open minds and open borders, we have matured beyond that.
“Thus, while being open to shifting social norms, we, the above non-identified collective, declare we have a better idea and may ghost the whole government thing and just be free, because the whole recreational drug freedom thing is working out really well.
"Fight the patriarchy!”
You know I had a two paragraph synopsis written out but the website farted and I lost it all and I just wasted eight minutes out of my ten minute break writing that so greeeeeeeat.